Feeling Lucky

My husband and I were at the grocery store last Saturday night (because we have been married so freaking long that Saturday nights are now relegated to satisfying our stomach hunger instead of other more interesting hungers).  

As we were heading toward the checkouts, we took a shortcut through the pharmacy aisle.   We passed a young man of about 20 years old.  He was facing the condom display, pondering all the options.   Believe you me, “Ribbed for her pleasure” is a marketing ploy made up by men and total b.s.   But that is another blog entry.

Anyway, we made it to the checkout.  My husband loaded our goods onto the sticky conveyer while I caught up on all the celebrity gossip and read the cover of all the magazines (Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Cosmo, etc).  Someone is having a baby, someone else is gay.  Someone is on a diet, fake boobs, 69 sex secrets men won’t tell you (which is stupid because if anyone is going to be forthcoming about what they want in the bedroom, it is going to be a man!) and the latest way to lose 20 pounds in 20 minutes eating double fudge brownies while hopping on one foot.

When I was finished catching up on the important world news, I looked over to the gigantic red lotto vending machine.  There was that same young man.  He was standing there contemplating his options of the quickest way to buy 20 tickets and become a millionaire right there in the grocery store. 

I couldn’t help it.   Lotto tickets and condoms.   The first thing that popped into my mind was,

“He is looking to get lucky in every way possible way this weekend!” 

No More Resolutions!

New Year's Resolutions (NYR) - Helpful or Crock?



I think Crock.  I really do.  The advertisers love it of course.  The entire diet industry runs 1,000 ads right after new years all screaming about New Years Resolutions.   I usually lose 3 pounds watching these ads because they make me puke up my dinner.  I am sick of 'em.  

You know the song, "So this is Christmas and what have you done?"  Beatles, wasn't it?  That song sets up our thinking.  So we start with, "Not much. I haven't lost the weight. I haven't exercised.  I haven't stopped swearing.  I haven't saved money.  I haven't stopped saying I haven't..."  

Then we all eat and drink to excess on December 31, wake up on January 1 puffy and bloated to be greeted with the barage of ads, "Are you puffy and bloated because you ate and drank to excess last night? Make a New Year's Resolution to buy our product (or join our program) and you won't be puffy for long!" 

They are playing on our desire for a better life and the tradition of waiting until January 1 to do something new with ourselves.   What's wrong with Feb 1 or April 1? 

Reaserch has shown that the majority of resolutions, especially diet and exercise resolutions, fail by March 1.  And then you are left with feeling like a failure, sitting on the couch, packing on the pounds and being beaten to death by the Guilt Fairy (I hate that old hag, she visits me a lot too.  I'd like to take her magic wand and stick it up her...)

But I digress, I was complaining about something (what else is new?).   Oh yes, NYR. 

I made one a long time ago and it has never failed me.   I made a resolution to never again make another New Years Resolution.   And I have stuck to it ever since.   The concept is a mind game designed to set us up for failure.  And let's be honest, that is what most of us do - fail.  The aftermath of the failure is ugly and damaging.  And I for one do not feel like feeling like a failure right now.   Solution?  I stopped setting myself up.  

So if there are things you want to do to improve yourself, fine.  Start today.  Don't wait for January 1 and then fail by March 1 and wait another 9 months for another January 1 to try again.   Accept your failure (which I should start calling "setback") and try again - quickly.  Next Monday, not next year.  And don't stop trying.    The worst thing would be to stop trying which will only give those advertisers the edge. 

If you keep trying, then the next New Years you can laugh every time you see those commercials and say to the television, "Puh-leeze.  That was so LAST YEAR."

Me and my what?

All holiday season long, I kept hearing:

"Merry Christmas to you and yours."  

"Happy Holidays to you and yours." 

"Happy New Year to you and yours."

Everytime I heard that, I thought, "Me and my what?"

What's the big secret?  Why is it up to me to fill in the blank?  Just say it.  Me and cats?  Me and my postman?  Me and my Christmas tree?   People can't even take the time to wish me an entire Christmas thought?   It just dangles out there like a neglected participle, swinging in the wind.  

That has just always bugged me.  It's not even a complete sentence.  

I don't know.  Maybe its just me.

I'm going to be stingy and leave "yours" out of it.  I'll take care of you, you take care of yours. 

Happy New Year to YOU!