DO NOT ATTEMPT

I am really tired of the high energy adventure commercials that have at the bottom of the screen in 4 pt font,

"Professional driver, closed course. Do not attempt."  

 I saw one commercial that showed a skateboarder doing tricks on a ramp. The disclaimer read, "Professional stuntman, do not attempt."  Don't they have skateboarding competitions with such stunts?  Does that mean we should we close down the competitions?

A commercial for a 4 wheel drive SUV showing the vehicle doing something perfectly normal like driving down a snowy road. "Professional driver on closed course, do not attempt."  What they are really saying is:

Do not attempt to use our product for the exact purpose for which it was designed and tested. 

Well damn, how am I supposed to get to work??

A commercial for a sports car driving along a curvy road on a beautiful sunny day.  "Professional driver on closed course, do not attempt."  Why else would I buy a 300 horsepower, sleek, low to the ground, special handling package sports car for $85,000 but to see how it handles on a curvy road at a high rate of speed on a beautiful sunny day?

Or the commercials showing the product being used in stimulating and fantastic ways.

• A sports car being driven across the desert at a high rate of speed.  
• A car driving on the beach. 
• Athletic shoes that allow a person to jump off a 20 story building and perform a perfect 10 point landing on the sidewalk below. 
• Cutting a penny in half with a brand new knife.
• Using a curling iron and having your hair go from paper thin straight to kinky as a poodle and attracting 40 men in mere minutes .

The ad gurus are using excitement and adventure to sell their wares but then warn us not to use their product to be exciting and adventurous.

What's next?  Warnings on porn films that say:

"Professional sexpert. Closed Set. 

Do not attempt to seduce your pizza delivery driver or copier repairman."

 
Just once, I would love to see a commercial for a board game and have a disclaimer that reads:

"Professional family having fun. Do not attempt."